27/09/2018

Sourdough day 6 and carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders

I realise that's a strange title, but I need to get stuff off my chest and usually I think this is the best place for it! I don't like to share my entire life on Facebook, not do I think people care about an extremely long and emotive caption on Instagram. So as this is my corner of the internet which I have designed and paid for I think I'm entitled to say what I like here! :)

Sometimes I go through phases of worrying way too much about the part I play in the world. Often the changes I want to make are not realistic or particularly achievable, but I'm trying. I worry far too much and sometimes my mind gets so bogged down by all this I find it hard to cope. Does anyone else feel like this?

At a glance this looks like a cute photo of some kitchen jars. In reality the left is housing my sourdough starter that I'm currently cultivating. (More on this in a minute.) Which I started because I felt alarmed at the ingredients in modern white bread and that got my mind spiralling into thoughts about what we eat.

The others are my homemade granola which sounds fancy, but I haven't been eating gluten for a few years as it gives me a rash. Gluten free produce is renowned for being expensive so it's cheaper to make my own. Funny how such a simple photo actually has its own story and from just that you can probably learn a lot about me.

I worry about so much and recently I've found it rather overwhelming. It's not the first time it seems to be periodical, spurred on by reading a thought-provoking article usually. I think these things have more of an impact on me than most people though!!

I know I can't be perfect and I'm really not trying to be, there's far more to life than that. However I need to get to a point where my conscience is clearer at least, because at the moment it's extremely foggy. Yet there's a lot in the way of making certain improvements so I need to find a way to accept that for now.

Maybe I should be more proactive, I try to an extent, but I'm more of a wallflower than an activist. Another thing to work on I guess.

As for the sourdough starter, the amount of bubbles created has slowed down. The size has calmed down too. It smells awful, but not in a bad way I just don't like the smell of bread or flour anyway. I've ordered some digital scales as I'm finding my vintage wall scales too much of a hassle and I'm feeling quite serious about this bread!

Have a lovely day anyway, it's lovely and sunny here :)

B. xoxo

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