Sourdough day 6 and carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders

I realise that's a strange title, but I need to get stuff off my chest and usually I think this is the best place for it! I don't like to share my entire life on Facebook, not do I think people care about an extremely long and emotive caption on Instagram. So as this is my corner of the internet which I have designed and paid for I think I'm entitled to say what I like here! :)

Sometimes I go through phases of worrying way too much about the part I play in the world. Often the changes I want to make are not realistic or particularly achievable, but I'm trying. I worry far too much and sometimes my mind gets so bogged down by all this I find it hard to cope. Does anyone else feel like this?

At a glance this looks like a cute photo of some kitchen jars. In reality the left is housing my sourdough starter that I'm currently cultivating. (More on this in a minute.) Which I started because I felt alarmed at the ingredients in modern white bread and that got my mind spiralling into thoughts about what we eat.

The others are my homemade granola which sounds fancy, but I haven't been eating gluten for a few years as it gives me a rash. Gluten free produce is renowned for being expensive so it's cheaper to make my own. Funny how such a simple photo actually has its own story and from just that you can probably learn a lot about me.

I worry about so much and recently I've found it rather overwhelming. It's not the first time it seems to be periodical, spurred on by reading a thought-provoking article usually. I think these things have more of an impact on me than most people though!!

I know I can't be perfect and I'm really not trying to be, there's far more to life than that. However I need to get to a point where my conscience is clearer at least, because at the moment it's extremely foggy. Yet there's a lot in the way of making certain improvements so I need to find a way to accept that for now.

Maybe I should be more proactive, I try to an extent, but I'm more of a wallflower than an activist. Another thing to work on I guess.

As for the sourdough starter, the amount of bubbles created has slowed down. The size has calmed down too. It smells awful, but not in a bad way I just don't like the smell of bread or flour anyway. I've ordered some digital scales as I'm finding my vintage wall scales too much of a hassle and I'm feeling quite serious about this bread!

Have a lovely day anyway, it's lovely and sunny here :)

B. xoxo


Sourdough attempt 1, day 4

So this is the next morning and it has literally doubled in size! There's definitely lots going on in my vessel. The vessel itself is proving to be the most stressful thing now though, it's obviously too small- if it grows anymore over the day it's going to overflow. It's extremely hard to stir as well, last night I discovered my salad server spoon was a good fit and length, but the handle wasn't nice to hold. So I need to sort out my equipment. I have other jars, but the neck isn't very wide. Hmm... I'm also not sure how is the easiest way to remove half. Clearly something I need to solve before tonight, possibly by consulting YouTube again!



Sourdough attempt 1, day 3

I should have taken a photo with the air bubbles before I fed it, but this is 24 hours later. In the morning there was pretty much nothing and then they appeared over the day. I was so worried it wasn't going to work after the hassle of starting it.
I'm excited to see how bit goes :)


Sourdough attempt 1, day 1

After some deep thoughts, I have decided to give sourdough a try.
I used 200g of organic wholemeal flour and 200ml of water.
I mixed it, well tried my spoon wasn't long enough. Then I thought my scales were off. Now I'm wondering if the mixture is too thick. Not off to a great start. We shall see...


Porridge love

Somewhere under there is a bowl of (chocolate) porridge. All my life I had thought porridge was oats cooked in milk and then you could sprinkle a little sugar on top, maybe some banana and that was about it. Plus you'd get to the bottom and your topping was all gone and it was extremely bland.

That is until I discovered Deliciously Ella and her plethora of porridge recipes! She adds such things as coconut, chocolate, peanut butter, fruit, nuts to name a few. I've been experimenting and have come to realise that the possibilities are not only endless, but that I LOVE porridge when I previously never even liked it all that much.

Currently in my bowl is chocolate porridge, (add cocoa or cacao and coconut sugar as it cooks) then I topped it with chocolate chips (I didn't have an cacao nibs), coconut yogurt, frozen raspberries and peanut butter. Literally heaven in a bowl! ❤️



Why I'm so angry

On social media I have been trying quite a lot to spread the word about certain things. Personally that's how I learn and I find it interesting to read things I don't know much about. I don't necessarily agree with everything I see, but sometimes I can simply learn why other people hold their own point of view etc.

I have recently been sharing posts about breastfeeding after watching a TV program highlighted the low rates in the UK and that mostly being due to a lack of support or sometimes knowledge. How will we ever learn though if we don't read about these things? How will we receive support if we don't support each other?

Unfortunately these supportive posts often seem to have to opposite effect than how they are intended and are actually offending people rather than helping anyone. When I say I'm not judging you that's no lie. Both of my kids have drank formula milk at some point. Sometimes I couldn't be there when they needed feeding and pumping is HARD work. I don't feel any guilt about that! I made that choice, nobody made that decision for me and it's my body and my baby. I really do not have anything against formula or mums who choose that for their babies.

I genuinely understand if you don't want to breastfeed and you read 'Breast is best' that could be interpreted that you are not doing the best. Remember who is saying that though! It is not me. It is the poster on the wall in the hospital or doctors. It's on the formula adverts. I have never once spread that message. I also do not believe it is always the best option for every family as there is far more to take into consideration than the basic points. What if you are on medication you cannot stop taking? What if your mental health would be negatively affected? What if you are actually an adoptive parent? You are doing your best and that *is* the best.

Mostly it is women not who have failed themselves, but who have been failed. By the system. Women who wanted, but couldn't continue or even begin for whatever reason. Those are the women who should come forward. You need to stand up and spread the word about how you wanted to, but didn't receive the support, information, encouragement. You should never feel like you have failed, because I promise that you didn't. Your journey may have ended, but nobody is judging you for trying your best.

The women that have tried and hated it or found it too much hard work or too painful. You have not failed either. That is your decision to make for you and your baby.

The women who do not like the idea of breastfeeding and have no interest in it. You have not failed because that is your choice to make and nobody else's business.

The women who ARE judging people: you are the ones failing, but not for how you fed or feed your baby- for not supporting fellow mothers in their choices. This is where the failure lies. How others do things is none of your business and the only thing you should ever offer is support, never ever any negativity or judgement.

Anyway why am I so angry? Well I just read an article about how women are using #worldbreastfeedingweek to promote formula, judge people for breastfeeding, spread negativity, sell products not relating to breastfeeding and just generally abusing the whole concept.

The whole aim is to show our support to each other, educate people who are interested to learn, highlight the lack of support, find solutions, spread love, talk about these issues. Women supporting women. If you formula feed why are you so offended by people who primarily breastfeed?! All we are trying to do is help people who want help. We are not judging you. So next time you see a post sharing some breastfeeding love, why not show some support?! Spread the love not the hate. Maybe it isn't for you, but I promise it's not breastfeeding mothers judging you.



Modified recipes, blood type diet

I do meal plans for every day usually but it often gets to the end of the week and things changed over the week, I fancied something else or one of my ingredients needed using up sooner. Or maybe it's been over a week and I'm stretching out the food shopping to make it last longer, or maybe I have stuff to use up where it came as a large pack than I needed.

Well today was several of those rolled into one. What I had planned to cook included potato so that was off the cards. I had loads of veg to use up, I had no idea what to cook and I'm due to get shopping in. So I decided to use up a load of veg and chuck it all a Thai green curry. Which also means delicious leftovers for the next day or two as well which is always a bonus!

I have taken a photo it looks so green and healthy too, which is just what I need. I felt so blocked to this morning I'm determined to fight off this cold before it even has a chance.

I ordered the Blood type diet book called 'Eat right 4 your type' and the corresponding cookbook. I'm kind of finding it difficult to know best to eat right now so hopefully that will leave me inspired! Well that's a lie what I'm finding difficult is quick stuff and snacks, but I really did need some inspiration. Especially as I keep dreaming of a big Mac and fries ugghh. This is hard.


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